-Have you ever felt butterflies on your stomach?
My story starts when I was in high school, freshman I met this guy named ‘charmuleng’, ,at first I did not pay attention to every move he made to make me notice him, I’d always ignored him, and sort of rejected him always since I really don’t want to beget closed and befriended with him at that moment. One afternoon upon going inside the comfort room this guy behind me keeps on talking nonsense and I kinda don’t like it and slowly his arms are almost around my shoulder like his making a move or “diskarte”, I ignored him, then looked at him and say nothing then walked away. I don’t know what his thought after that but I think he really did not like that.
We did not get the chance to talk to each other and he did not get the chance to say his feelings with me also. I was so numb and really stupid, of course, who would’ve thought that I will fall for him. After a few weeks of rejecting him and ignoring him , he stopped eventually and later on I found out that his with another girl already. I then realized after I found out that his with another girl already that I liked him.
Months passed by he is constantly popping up on my mind and sometimes can’t understand why every time I do something else his face that I always see. But I did not pay much attention to it, I always divert my attention and chit chat with my friends always just to erase that stupid thing on my head.
But sometimes I feel uncomfortable; it feels like there’s something always bothering me. At first when I felt that I did not think that I was already in love with him, oh God!, can’t believe it but, I don’t know what happened but felt like I wanna be with him always. Sometimes I go around the campus just to look and see him far away. And then I got my junior level, I was not expected that he will be the boyfriend of my close friend and classmate. I sometimes just don’t look at them, because every time I see them I get disappointed. I had a lot of crush on my high school days but I don’t know why I’m stick on this guy. What did I found on him that I did not find to other guys. I always asked that question to myself, why him?
I tried to divert my feelings to somebody else and tried to be happy with them but unfortunately they’re all not worth, I mean they did something special and I could see their efforts on that but sometimes it’s not enough. I’m searching for something in a guy. Even myself I don’t know what is that, that I’m looking for. I guess I’ll just have to keep on searching the right guy for me.
Until I got my senior level still did not get the chance to talk to him and still trying to get his attention. And until we graduated, so sad I wasn’t able to say sorry and talk to him what my feelings were.
Right now I’m already working and earning money for myself, it’s been 7 or 8 years already that we haven’t seen each other with my ultimate crush. I know his with someone else and happy. I just hope for best for him. I know I can never bring back the past and correct those mistakes and make it right so that we can be together as friends or lovers. If only there’s a time machine that can bring the past back, I would really go back to the time I first met him and talk to him and do what I should’ve done…
I’m still hoping until now that one day he will realize that I’m his true love even if I know it’s no longer possible to happen….
Can’t understand why until now I still keep on thinking about him. And until now still wishing I could see him.